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She Knows How She Might Behave © 2018
Developed by Hybrid Publishing,
Willem de Kooning Academy
Audio, text and images © Tracy Hanna (tracyhanna.hotglue.me)
All rights reserved
ISBN 978-94-92479-09-9

Author: Tracy Hanna
Editor: Renée Turner
Coordinators: Loes Sikkes and Kimmy Spreeuwenberg
Design and development: Megan Hoogenboom (studiomegan.nl)
Audio Mastering: Wojtek Szustak
Album printed by: Mobineko
Inserts printed by: Tracy and Megan at Publication Station
She felt a body feeling not a mind feeling creep

Creep up her jeans her dreams like the small mouse that once went that same way up

So it had direction
She thought about it

She smoked a cigarette 
She quit halfway

She talks to her mother 
A little 
Not enough

Her mothers knows her really actually knows of her ways
Knows how she might behave

Ay she doesn't like this power 
But has it

She nose dives back to the body
There's a clarity to that

She sits above the clouds on her way somewhere 

Maybe to the moon, a new moon
What are you whiteboarding?

What are you thinking when you push your elbow and forearm into my face

Does it mean writing on a white or shoving your arm in my face? 

I am white and your arm is white

Which is the board

Who is whiting

In an office I'm dressed different
That I feel you uncomfortable

Is it I don't want to be my age
What does my age do

Other things become too hard 

And you lug toward the chair

I lug toward the chair

You have to sleep well but you never do

And you feel tired air brush your face

A number 40 bus passes and you let it

You want to feel the air more on your face

You begin to walk 
With feet that talk

You feel a sludge slime left behind

You who is you
Why do I say it
It's a poem
It's my impulse

You feel a sludge slime left behind in time

Anyway to return
You have crossed me.
So don't come back

I am me free.
Had a break
Had some sun
Looked at instagram
Had some fun
Slut Drop
She crept up slow 
And didn’t go
She dropped to the floor 
Like a slut
A dance move 
She told some things that made you ask small questions 
Not really because you want to
But because temporarily it is your job to
You wear her top
Because you borrowed it
And never returned it
Wearing it you feel sneaky
You’re taking a small revenge 
For some very very small indignation
That her perceptions are not aware 

You sit at the kitchen table
And you eat toast 
The Moon’s Shadow
The shadow, made by the moon, of the mirror that stands on my window sill
Yeah it's got a shadow I notice

On the street 
The moon through the bright night clouds

I feel the life 

Seep and sear into me

And walk 

And smile a little

And see a future again somehow 

And see it in all the nightlight

Colour Green

Closer to ok

Closer to the ground 

Colour spring

take the spring and put it on the windows
you’ve got to

On the bright side 
It was a relief

You were happy



You must know how


Colours lead don't worry 

Some kind of end comes that is scary and huge and changes the future



Maybe is compromised

I am ok
If I find you and you are my age I will have you

This is my face,
What is this,
This is my face.

Once I felt like this:
Picture a feeling

Glad/not glad


What are words

Make an atmosphere of life in a room, in a video


I write, you write, we write
What is age when it seeps in

oh well that's it then





Nerve ending say:

We're not goin no

Fuck no

Come closer

A circuitry of cells
Likes the notion at least

Of other circuitries of cells


So there's some kind of consensus of resistance


Within this old machinery

What life is 

To live 

To get it out 

You feel all you need you feel
You get enough
He left me standing at the doorstep
with a note between my teeth

Can ya believe the cheek of him said Miriam
and I began to weep

Chorus: Do u want someone to kiss and hug
and hold and grow old

I returned for three more nights
and he told me the same thing

It's not that I couldn't understand
it's that I just couldn't give in

Caution to the wind on nights like this
or you will never win

Can ya believe the cheek she said
but I didn't care I forgave all his sins

Got to the door on the last night
and he took my hand in his

He said Jessica can you be aware
that I have feelings too 

And as hurt that you are clearly
there's a hurt that I am too

Will ya stop this now this carry on
and return to where your from

Sister Song
I sat down in my twenties
In my twenties I sat down

I’m gonna try say it out loud
It might seem silly

She has some kind of history up her sleeve
(a hand with an extra finger and a sleeve with text inside)

She keeps it there on purpose

Because it gives her strength

From the outside you wouldn’t guess




It’s up there

It was up there all along keeping her strong
Letting it Sit
You could blame
Your tongue for speaking
But that would be a weakness
For leaking
A part in a way
That you’re not sure
That you don’t exactly feel
That you did
Before you said it
Or you thought that you did
But now you think you were wrong
Anyway you stay with it
And you say the next thing
Sure you’re gonna die, it’s fine
Fuck it
Fuck it
Ambulance and Dead
What does ambulance mean? What happens in the ambulance? Who did the ambulance take? Yeah. What does the ambulance man do? And then what? The person gets the oxygen? And then what? Why does it make a loud sound? Where does the ambulance live? Where is the hospital? What do the doctors do? Why is the person sick? How does she get the oxygen?

Tell me what X-ray is? Explain X-ray? Takes the picture? How? How it takes the picture? What about the big machine? Same like the camera? Tell me again. Takes picture of inside the body? How? What is X-ray? Then what happens? Am I going to get the X-ray? Why? Why not? Maybe some day? You bring me? How does it take the photo inside? Different kind of light? Like the camera? Oh. What does it mean the different kind of light?

What does mean dead? Why it’s not alive anymore? What does alive mean? What does end of alive mean? What happens then? What is heaven? What about his body? What does it mean the body isn’t alive? Where does the body go? Yeah. And then what? What happens in the ground? How long is it in the ground? Why? What is a coffin? What is the funeral? In the church? What is dead? Everyone gonna die? Yeah? What does he wear in the coffin?
Lucky Bitch
A picture not a word. JESUS.
A place for a voice
Another place for a voice
Wakes up in the end of the world
Lots of contemplation desperate woman shit depression
Finds a party gets fucked up has some fucking fun
Drinks eight tequilas
who cares
Can’t remember the pain,
Or the next morning
Listens to the radio
Follows a news programme about refugees
Feels empathy
Feels sympathy
Feels not useful
Thinks ‘whats the point in me’
‘There’s more point in you’
Lives alone
Likes it
Wants to feel more secure
Is unsure about what to plan for
Plan for the end of the world
Make shit happen
Makes potpourri
Most days
Something to do in the evenings
Likes using her hands
Likes sitting and using her hands
Has some friends she likes
Lost some she didn’t like
Didn’t mind
She doesn’t mind
Lives a life to live a life in a world that’s about living lives
She was born lucky
Goes to cafes and bars
Lucky bitch
Always leaves
Nothing holds her
Lucky bitch is unlucky
There’s never enough to hold her
Wants to hold on to something only that she wants to hold on to
Because otherwise it feels like a lie
What’s the point
Lucky bitch
Have you seen the shape she holds in the world
Holds her own in the world
While she’s alone, she’s not alone in the world
Lucky bitch
Wants to be impressed
What impresses her is complicated
She can’t sum it up
It has compassion
And it doesn’t take a side
That’s all she knows
She doesn’t want to be it
She doesn’t know if she can
She wants to be impressed
She wants to be impressed by it
To feel bettered by it
It’s a nice feeling
Lucky bitch